Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Pastor publicly executes elf in protest against Satan's minions at Christmas

John Knudsen, a Danish pastor at the Løkken Free Church in Vendsyssel, has dealt the first blow against an enemy that he believes to be one of greatest threat to Christmas. It is, of course, the Elf.

Many people imagine elves as Santa's little helpers making toys for children or magical folk from Germanic and Norse Folklore, but not John Knudsen. He believes that they are "poltergeists that come from the devil and make children sick" and that the decorating of elves at Christmas is "comparable to decorating with Nazi flags."

Since Mr. Knudson is a reasonable man, he decided to hang an elf by the neck outside of his church. Accompanying the elf was a sign reading "we reject Satan and all his works and all his empty promises”, a reference to the Christian baptism rite. The protest against Satan and his elvish minions has also been supported by his parish and some members of the town.

Since the pastor was unable to catch a real elf, the mock execution was only performed on an effigy of a Christmas elf. However, many people have asked, even threatened him to take the elf down. His decision to ignore these requests has not gone unnoticed by the "elves", as Knudson claims they have been sending him threatening letters. He also reported the mysterious appearance of a dozen or so metre-high gnomes outside of his home.

Refusing to give up the fight, the pastor set up a night watch to prevent the elf from being stolen before it's scheduled removal on Sunday. However, one resident managed to take the elf down in broad daylight on Monday and also left behind a note to reassure the pastor that it would be "kept safe until after the New Year".

Knudson, obviously worried about elven poltergeists infecting the children his beloved town, reported the theft to the police. Despite a confession from the thief, the police refused to press charges on the grounds that their "caseload was too heavy to make investigating theft of a stuffed toy elf a priority".

With thanks to the Copenhagen Post

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